What do I really believe?

This is a poem that I wrote out of my own feelings at present. It expresses what I think most of us go through in our walk with God. We feel trapped, and then we find freedom in God's grace. We get passionate and our outlook changes. But then something happens that brings us back to selfishness...to looking at our pain rather than His healing. I hope that this helps you to recognize something about your own faith...what do you believe about your God?


I feel like a wound festering under a bandaid.
I feel like a rain cloud, heavy and depressing.
I feel like a prisoner of war;
 the war is between my heart and my mind.

It's time to end this war.
Time to set the record straight.
No more nestling into the lies
that I tell myself.
I have found comfort in the consistancy of pain
and self-pity.

But no more.
I am not without escape;
The cell door is open wide.
My rescue has come and extends His hand.
Now I must take it...
Yes! Yes I will follow You!
You make my heart feel alive.
You turn my walking into dancing.
My smile shines when I think of You.
You make me see beyond myself.
Together, we will take the nations for Your Kingdom!
You are my King!!


But oh...this means I have to trust You.
Can I trust You?
You are not a man that You should lie.
But they all failed me, and You made them.
You are powerful...but not I am so weak!

I am all alone!
My issues are so big and so many..
How can I go on when my heart is broken??
There is no one who will ever be able to help me.
I am obviously not lovable enough for anyone to stay.
I have burried myself too deep.
I am just not good enough.


WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!



Oh Jesus.
What have I become? That I would think of You this way?
How can I be so angry?
I am sorry Lord. Please...oh please forgive Me!
You are not like them;
You are not weak like them.
You are not showing me kindness
Just to get something from me.
You really love me.
Right?