It makes my heart hurt when I see other people's pain. The worst pain comes from seeing a friend's character tainted by a jaded view on life and her worth as a woman.My first reaction is to be angry, and to tell her that she is not living or speaking like the Christian that she says she is. How can you say that you are a Christian and then show yourself to the world in a completely different light?? But that is addressing the surface - the problem of the moment.
Innocence is not just our actions, it is the condition of our hearts and minds. What makes a girl turn from a picture of innocent beauty into a virtual whore? (Oh how it hurts to use that name for someone I love!But there is no other way to say it without numbing the truth)Out of the mouth the heart speaks, so don't tell me that it is just "creativity". It is pain and desperation masked as passion.
I cannot claim complete innocence in my life, except through the blood of Jesus. I have been in that place where my hormones controlled me and found myself sinking into a dark, scary place where my only company was another heart searching for love in the wrong way. I can think back on those feelings and try to understand how I may have gotten to the same place as this girl. But it is like a dark, bottomless hole that sucks me in, and I was not freed from those chains to go back to them.
I want to make her see, to help her out of the pit she's digging for herself. But how can I help her out if she does not acknowledge that she is doing it? My words can only go so far.
Oh my God! Please Father, go into her heart, to the place I cannot reach her. Open her eyes to Your love for her so that she will find her pleasure in You! Heal her heart that has been broken so many times. Let the pain that causes her to find her value in sexuality and lust be washed away by Your blood. Hold her close and convince her of her worth. Help me oh Father to be an example of living in freedom. Use me in whatever way You want to help my precious sister. Thank you God.
Amen.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Honor
What is honor?
The way to live under people in authority, but not only the ones you agree with. Submission and obedience go hand in hand. Submission is the attitude, obedience is the act. Do you obey the law and complain about it? You are not giving honor. Do you promise to obey the law, and then go against it? You are not giving honor. Our best intentions are worthless if we do not act on them.
God says in His Word that He has appointed all authority on earth. Even the leaders that seem evil or unwise to us are appointed by Him for a purpose. God appointed Saul to be the king of Israel, and he ended up being bad news. He spent his latter years trying to kill David out of jealousy, who had once been like a son to him. He killed thousands of innocent people. But David refused to kill him, because he was anointed by God. No matter who your authority is, or how they act, it is your duty to honor them. This does not mean that if they tell you to kill someone, you should do it. If what they do does not line up with what the Bible directly says, then don't copy them! However this does not give you the freedom to talk behind their back to your coworkers, friends or family. Leave judgment up to God - it's His job not yours. When you complain about rules, criticize the way someone runs a business, dismiss your pastor's wisdom as arrogance (most likely because of your own arrogance), or tell your parents "Don't tell me what to do, you don't understand me", you are directing all those things at God.Because they are His chosen ones, they are His representatives. Whether you like it or not.
So, what now? What if your boss is the worst planner on the planet? What if your pastor's ministry decisions go against what you feel is right? What if your parents never encourage you and always put you down?
Wait on the Lord. They will receive their judgment, whatever that may be, when they meet Him. Pray for them.God will honor that. He hears us, and loves us so much that He does what He knows is best. He can do miracles after all.
The way to live under people in authority, but not only the ones you agree with. Submission and obedience go hand in hand. Submission is the attitude, obedience is the act. Do you obey the law and complain about it? You are not giving honor. Do you promise to obey the law, and then go against it? You are not giving honor. Our best intentions are worthless if we do not act on them.
God says in His Word that He has appointed all authority on earth. Even the leaders that seem evil or unwise to us are appointed by Him for a purpose. God appointed Saul to be the king of Israel, and he ended up being bad news. He spent his latter years trying to kill David out of jealousy, who had once been like a son to him. He killed thousands of innocent people. But David refused to kill him, because he was anointed by God. No matter who your authority is, or how they act, it is your duty to honor them. This does not mean that if they tell you to kill someone, you should do it. If what they do does not line up with what the Bible directly says, then don't copy them! However this does not give you the freedom to talk behind their back to your coworkers, friends or family. Leave judgment up to God - it's His job not yours. When you complain about rules, criticize the way someone runs a business, dismiss your pastor's wisdom as arrogance (most likely because of your own arrogance), or tell your parents "Don't tell me what to do, you don't understand me", you are directing all those things at God.Because they are His chosen ones, they are His representatives. Whether you like it or not.
So, what now? What if your boss is the worst planner on the planet? What if your pastor's ministry decisions go against what you feel is right? What if your parents never encourage you and always put you down?
Wait on the Lord. They will receive their judgment, whatever that may be, when they meet Him. Pray for them.God will honor that. He hears us, and loves us so much that He does what He knows is best. He can do miracles after all.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Mindless Reflection
Memories make imagination fly
Take over.
Droplets of rain on a foggy morn
Moisten the ground of my mind.
Some gray some white
The dividing line fades.
My thoughts mingle
Interrupt each other.
What is this insanity?
Makes me kiss the air
Say a prayer.
Wishing time would change
No, stay the same.
Dismissing clouds
That hold me back.
Put forth my fist
Then collapse again.
Colorful infusions exaggerate
My feelings.
Little bird fly
From tree to tree.
Cannot stay long
Even if I try.
Yellow school bus rings out
Lonely cold mornings.
Step away, run to the field
Tears fall from pain remembered.
Why bring them back?
War over this
Field of beans.
Memories scatter in the wind
Imagination take a bow.
Welcome glory
Hosanna You are here.
Please stay to help me
Forget so I can remember.
Take over.
Droplets of rain on a foggy morn
Moisten the ground of my mind.
Some gray some white
The dividing line fades.
My thoughts mingle
Interrupt each other.
What is this insanity?
Makes me kiss the air
Say a prayer.
Wishing time would change
No, stay the same.
Dismissing clouds
That hold me back.
Put forth my fist
Then collapse again.
Colorful infusions exaggerate
My feelings.
Little bird fly
From tree to tree.
Cannot stay long
Even if I try.
Yellow school bus rings out
Lonely cold mornings.
Step away, run to the field
Tears fall from pain remembered.
Why bring them back?
War over this
Field of beans.
Memories scatter in the wind
Imagination take a bow.
Welcome glory
Hosanna You are here.
Please stay to help me
Forget so I can remember.
Monday, March 28, 2011
I need not understand
What is going on??
I have discovered love that I thought would never come, I have emptied the dumpster of my piled up heart-garbage, I have been allowed and held back...so much to think about in the past few days. Now I stand, having made the decision to obey, but unsure of how to do it. How can I feel one thing and do another? I have relied upon my emotions and "trusted my heart" for so long that even though I have peace about my decision, I struggle with the application. I can "do" and "not do" things easily, but what of my feelings and thoughts? Are they not just as powerful as the actions?
I know that God has given me the ability to obey - to walk it out. My confusion is His understanding. My weakness is His strength. My doubt is His assurance. He has a plan for me, and it is great. He knows that my heart is for His will, and that I really do want Him more than anything or anyone. My Jesus is jealous for me, and wants me to go to HIM for comfort and love. And I want Him! I need Him! I cannot love another person if I do not love God with my whole heart first!!
Oh Abba, I long for Your embrace! To feel you in every move I make. I am sorry for even thinking about loving someone more than You. The very idea hurts me, so it must hurt You much more. I do not know what You are doing or why, but I know that You are good, and that you love us. If we surrender our desires to You, then we will find peace. Not only that, but we will live with confidence, and living as a testimony of your power. Thank You for speaking to my heart and making things line up so we are on the same page. Even when nothing makes sense to me, You bring amazing things out of these situations.
Lord, I commit my heart to Your leanings, and I will seek Your desires. I commit the one I love to You, trusting that you will use him mightily, because You have called him. Increase his faith oh Father; bless him beyond his understanding.
Jesus you are worthy of my life, so I give it to you. Every part of it, no matter what. I love you Daddy. Glory to You!
So be it.
I have discovered love that I thought would never come, I have emptied the dumpster of my piled up heart-garbage, I have been allowed and held back...so much to think about in the past few days. Now I stand, having made the decision to obey, but unsure of how to do it. How can I feel one thing and do another? I have relied upon my emotions and "trusted my heart" for so long that even though I have peace about my decision, I struggle with the application. I can "do" and "not do" things easily, but what of my feelings and thoughts? Are they not just as powerful as the actions?
I know that God has given me the ability to obey - to walk it out. My confusion is His understanding. My weakness is His strength. My doubt is His assurance. He has a plan for me, and it is great. He knows that my heart is for His will, and that I really do want Him more than anything or anyone. My Jesus is jealous for me, and wants me to go to HIM for comfort and love. And I want Him! I need Him! I cannot love another person if I do not love God with my whole heart first!!
Oh Abba, I long for Your embrace! To feel you in every move I make. I am sorry for even thinking about loving someone more than You. The very idea hurts me, so it must hurt You much more. I do not know what You are doing or why, but I know that You are good, and that you love us. If we surrender our desires to You, then we will find peace. Not only that, but we will live with confidence, and living as a testimony of your power. Thank You for speaking to my heart and making things line up so we are on the same page. Even when nothing makes sense to me, You bring amazing things out of these situations.
Lord, I commit my heart to Your leanings, and I will seek Your desires. I commit the one I love to You, trusting that you will use him mightily, because You have called him. Increase his faith oh Father; bless him beyond his understanding.
Jesus you are worthy of my life, so I give it to you. Every part of it, no matter what. I love you Daddy. Glory to You!
So be it.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
My thoughts of late
So I have not written on here in a while.I have been thinking differently lately, at least I hope that I have. For one thing, my perspective on what I need versus what I want is becoming clearer. The thing I want may or may not be the same as what God wants for me, but regardless of that, what He wants is going to happen. And it is the best option. He hears all of my cries,understands my pain, and feels my joy. And He is constantly with me, by my side every waking moment. He enjoys my company and is jealous for it. When my heart aches for love, He eagerly stretches out His hand and asks, "Will you dance with Me?" It is my choice whether to let Him lead me, or stay sitting in my corner, feeling sad because life is not going my way. The King of the whole world is pursuing me, night and day!!
Just now, I am realizing something. I always ask God to show me His way for me, for Him to lead me, to show me the next step. But do I actually get up and let Him lead? He has the path laid out, and is waiting for me to join Him. Am I spending so much time begging Him to lead me that I am not stopping to let Him to do it?
Sometimes my insecurity gets so big that everything I use to be proud of, or even grateful for, becomes insignificant and ugly in my eyes. My gifts are diminished to mere show-off attempts at a godly life, that fail to please anyone, much less God. Is my dancing in worship really worship? Should I hold still more, focus on His voice? Would holding still help me hear His voice? Sometimes I feel like nothing I do is the right thing to do. But this is all the lie of the enemy. He loves speaking confusion into our souls, turning our eyes from Jesus to ourselves.It's not about me,it's about Jesus Christ and what He does!! If I focus on Him, everything else falls into the right place, and I need not worry.
Just now, I am realizing something. I always ask God to show me His way for me, for Him to lead me, to show me the next step. But do I actually get up and let Him lead? He has the path laid out, and is waiting for me to join Him. Am I spending so much time begging Him to lead me that I am not stopping to let Him to do it?
Sometimes my insecurity gets so big that everything I use to be proud of, or even grateful for, becomes insignificant and ugly in my eyes. My gifts are diminished to mere show-off attempts at a godly life, that fail to please anyone, much less God. Is my dancing in worship really worship? Should I hold still more, focus on His voice? Would holding still help me hear His voice? Sometimes I feel like nothing I do is the right thing to do. But this is all the lie of the enemy. He loves speaking confusion into our souls, turning our eyes from Jesus to ourselves.It's not about me,it's about Jesus Christ and what He does!! If I focus on Him, everything else falls into the right place, and I need not worry.
Friday, January 21, 2011
the outpouring of a broken but healing heart
As a broken vessel I have lived
Alone in my depressed state of independence
Thrown to the ground by my freedom of choice
Knowing only the pain of self-rejection
No peace found in the silence.
Alone in my depressed state of independence
Thrown to the ground by my freedom of choice
Knowing only the pain of self-rejection
No peace found in the silence.
Monday, January 3, 2011
I will
I will remain open to God's directions, not governed by my feelings alone. I will not jump into anything without first taking into account the consequences. I will listen seriously to the advice of people who have proven themselves to be wise. I will not make excuses for my mistakes. I will trust and believe God for the right answers at the right time. I will not let my worry overshadow the King's power. I will worship Him at all times.
I will always be His daughter.
I will always be His daughter.
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