Sour turned to Sweet

Friendships that have wide gaps of time and distance between them make reunion seem all the sweeter. For seven months my perspective on a particular friend was formed majorly by the perspective of others. Though I loved this friend dearly, so much of my thoughts involving her had been brought on by, or caused pain because of the source from which they came. I have longed desperately to see my friend face to face and to speak to her, free of filters. I knew that if I could hug her for myself, not through the thoughts and feelings of another, things would not be so painful.

I got to see my friend yesterday. I almost cried as we hugged, out of sheer relief and joy at seeing her myself! I felt healing come even in that short time, and all I could think of was, not the pain I had felt for so long, but the love and preciousness of my dear friend! To know her as she is, not as she was. Oh,all that jealousy I felt was such a waste of engery! She has never intentionally made me feel unimportant or less beautiful. That was my imagination fueled by pain. By pride. I let the effect she had on another taint our friendship in my mind. But oh Jesus! I can't help but smile now :)

Those feelings, those thoughts... they're all in the past, and I have no reason to look back. No reason! My Jesus, my God, He has offered me the chance of a lifetime: to look on His face and follow Him, wherever He leads me!! What an adventure! I am aware that adventure entails joy, sorrow, brokenness, excitement, hope, doubt, fear, confidence, darkness and light. I know that my faith will be tested and strengthened. But I am eager to see it happen because piece by piece, God is showing me just how free I am in Him. He has restored friendship to its rightful condition, and is in the process of wooing my heart back to where it should be: in His hands.

Thank you Father for loving me so much that You have given my heart rest. You let me rest in Your arms while you teach me the hard lessons. Thank You!

More than Enough in my Not Enough

Why do my thoughts waster their time on this? It's old, no longer existent, pointless to hold on to. Memories can be cherished yes, but if they hold me back then I would rather forget. I need to move on not just in my actions but in my thoughts as well. I even had a dream about it last night. In it, memories became the now; I was happy and hopeful that it was real. But when light shown through my eyelids and I woke up, it was realized to be a dream, and I felt ashamed.What is keeping me from forgetting? Are these wishes, that I wish I did not have, going to stop? Is there a purpose for them? If not, I implore God to take them.
I would not mind these thoughts and dreams so much if the possibility of their reality was not out of sight. If I could detect the slightest hint of warmness or caring...but I feel none.

God, I don't know if this is Your doing or not. I've laid down my heart and my understanding. I want to please You, I want to follow You, I want to be devoted to You alone. My mind is haunted by happiness that I can't have, at least not that kind of happiness. Oh Father, show me, remind me again of what real happiness is! Joy that never passes, that brings LIFE to my very soul! Jesus Christ is the only One I need, and He is MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR ME. This does not mean He is enough for just the basic, necessary, boring stuff. He gives me even the little things that I long for, like love and romance and acceptance and just being able to be myself.

That is what it means when I say He is more than enough for me. He is more than enough for you, too. He knows how to melt your heart, because you melt His. He knows how to keep your trust, for He is always faithful. He knows how to hold your hand and make you feel like you'll live forever, because He is LIFE.