Friendships that have wide gaps of time and distance between them make reunion seem all the sweeter. For seven months my perspective on a particular friend was formed majorly by the perspective of others. Though I loved this friend dearly, so much of my thoughts involving her had been brought on by, or caused pain because of the source from which they came. I have longed desperately to see my friend face to face and to speak to her, free of filters. I knew that if I could hug her for myself, not through the thoughts and feelings of another, things would not be so painful.
I got to see my friend yesterday. I almost cried as we hugged, out of sheer relief and joy at seeing her myself! I felt healing come even in that short time, and all I could think of was, not the pain I had felt for so long, but the love and preciousness of my dear friend! To know her as she is, not as she was. Oh,all that jealousy I felt was such a waste of engery! She has never intentionally made me feel unimportant or less beautiful. That was my imagination fueled by pain. By pride. I let the effect she had on another taint our friendship in my mind. But oh Jesus! I can't help but smile now :)
Those feelings, those thoughts... they're all in the past, and I have no reason to look back. No reason! My Jesus, my God, He has offered me the chance of a lifetime: to look on His face and follow Him, wherever He leads me!! What an adventure! I am aware that adventure entails joy, sorrow, brokenness, excitement, hope, doubt, fear, confidence, darkness and light. I know that my faith will be tested and strengthened. But I am eager to see it happen because piece by piece, God is showing me just how free I am in Him. He has restored friendship to its rightful condition, and is in the process of wooing my heart back to where it should be: in His hands.
Thank you Father for loving me so much that You have given my heart rest. You let me rest in Your arms while you teach me the hard lessons. Thank You!
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